Post-plank interview with Simon Peter
Simon Peter (or SP, as he's become known) became the sixth arkmate to walk the plank on Day 30, after a surprising vote in which Paul was the favourite to go. After diving off the Ark's side, Rosie Telford, who played the blunt, down-to-earth apostle, arrived in the Ark Chat for her post-plank interview. How did she feel about her stormy relationship with Esther... why did she play Simon so laddishly... and what about the floater in *that* sermon?
Wood: Simon Peter... time to unmask yourself.
Simon Peter: OK.
Wood: Who are you?
Simon Peter: My name's Rosie. I'm a 24 year old postgraduate student in astrophysics at the Uni of Leicester.
Moses: I knew it! Another girlie!
Simon Peter: Hurrah!
Simon Peter: And I think I'm in a lot of trouble...
Wood: Why so many sexist comments and grabbings?
Simon Peter: It's not very often I get to be a boy! I think I was a bit over-enthusiastic.
Wood: Go on...
Simon Peter: But I reckon earlier on that could count as bravado in the face of meeting new people. I tried to be nicer in one-to-ones.
Wood: Sort of a reverse drag queen thing going on, would you say?
Simon Peter: Yeah.
Job: What about the yellow dungarees?
Simon Peter: I thought they were OK. I'd wear them out clubbing ;)
I didn't like being blond and beardie tho. (Sorry to any blond beardies out there.)
Simon Peter: What I really really wanted to say though, is that my character being rude and crude was my reaction to being on a ship full of intellectuals. Since when were Jesus' disciples middle class?
Wood: You think Samson was intellectual?
Simon Peter: I think he used too many words that wouldn't have been in his vocabulary. And he was way, way too self-aware. Sorry, I'm being a snob.
Wood: So who do you think is going to walk the plank next?
Simon Peter: Either Paul or Martha. They're not as interesting as the others.
Wood: Yoyo asks: why all the boy talks with Paul?
Simon Peter: Boy talks? I didn't think I spent much time with Paul. I was hoping he'd fight more, but he was too nice.
Wood: Did you feel more of a Simon or a Peter?
Simon Peter: Definitely a Simon! Always messing up embarrassingly. Then saying sorry and messing up again.
Job: Should Rosie be feeling Peters?
Simon Peter: Hee hee. Nice one, Job.
Justesse: Rosie do you think that Jesus' followers never had intellectual conversations?
Simon Peter: I think they did have intellectual convos, but very much on their own terms. And I really don't think swearing would have bothered them much.
Justesse: Which were what?
Simon Peter: Just about normal stuff. How to live, rather than lofty ideas about defining God exactly.
Moses: Good point (I liked the floater analogy btw).
Monkeyhead: No, the apostles wandering around behind Jesus would NOT have been a bunch of ladies at a tea party.
Simon Peter: Exactly.
clare: Did you realise how much trouble the floater analogy was going to get you into?
Simon Peter: No. And close your ears if you're easily offended, but I was a bit drunk at the time and hadn't planned the sermon.
twohouseholds: What an excuse!
Simon Peter: And I thought SP would use metaphors, and that was the best I could think of.
Simon Peter: Seemed like a good idea at the time...
clare: It was a very good sermon for the medium.
Sarkycow: It certainly got you noticed.
Simon Peter: Just turned the whole world against me... *sigh* tough being an apostle.
Justesse: Not the whole world. There were thousands of plumbers rooting for you!
Simon Peter: I was amazed to get hate mail!
Simon Peter: (Plumbers surf on SOF?)
Monkeyhead: (Between flushes.)
simon*: Rosie, did you think of playing SP more blandly to help you stay in longer?
Simon Peter: No, that would have been boring.
simon*: I mean, was there a tension between playing laddishly and wanting to win the game?
Simon Peter: I was there for entertainment first and foremost. I did try and tone it down after a bit.
yoyo*: Were you trying to exaggerate male features?
Simon Peter: I don't think so. Mimic would be more the word. I've just been acting in a play, and a couple of the cast members were extremely laddish, so I copied.
clare: Was SP all talk and no trousers?
Simon Peter: In part. I think whoever it was, was right when they said he's scared of women.
simon*: Did you really get hate mail?
Simon Peter: Icarus Coot was pretty scathing on the boards and in the chat room.
Simon Peter: Hope there's no one out there wanting to burn me! Or expel me!
clare: Or stick your head down the bog! Just to see if it comes up again.
Simon Peter: Ha ha!
Simon Peter: That's something that really bugged me. I came in the chat room once to find everyone talking about elephant turds, and I thought, "hypocrites!!"
clare: But there is a difference between talking about turds between friends and turds in a sermon surely?
Simon Peter: Why the boundary between spiritual and conversational?
Monkeyhead: Si-Rosie, what romantic development plans might have been if you'd stayed in longer?
Simon Peter: I think underneath it all, SP was actually quite faithful. He would've keep flirting and passing comments, but would've been too scared to do any more.
Simon Peter: So can I ask a question to the admin?
Simon Peter: I want to know if it was just coincidence that half the evictees so far are vicars, or thinking of becoming them.
simon*: No, it isn't. It must be the Lord.
Simon Peter: Ha ha!
Ancient Mariner: Amen.
Job: Job patiently points out that he is a Rector, not Vicar...
Wood: Same difference.
simon*: Was Simon hurt when Esther talked about keeping his "big fishy hands" off her?
Simon Peter: Dunno if hurt, more confused.
Simon Peter: Actually, yes, hurt. He was confused because he thinks he's irresistible! And he genuinely couldn't see what he'd done wrong.
clare: Did you identify with any of the women as another woman?
Simon Peter: I liked Martha. I liked Mary and Jez. It was just Esther I had a problem with.
Simon Peter: Too easily offended. The type who can give it out, but can't take it back.
Sarkycow: You and she had some serious run ins, Rosie.
Simon Peter: She could be pretty evil when she wanted to. Wasn't exactly turning the other cheek!
Simon Peter: I think it's just that I'm not an assertive person in real life, and she scared me a bit.
yoyo*: Is that why you didn't like her?
Simon Peter: Guess so. Also, she kept nominating me ;)
clare: Has being Simon changed your view of God?
Simon Peter: I don't think it has, sorry. I think I might be a bit over-familiar sometimes.
clare: Because one of the conversations that I loved on the Ark was you and Moses talking about your different experiences of God.
Simon Peter: Oh, that was great!
Moses: Really clare? :)
Simon Peter: I really enjoyed that.
Moses: Me too...
Simon Peter: I knew you were a girl RIGHT from the start, Mo :)
Moses: You did?
Simon Peter: Remember when I was moping by the pool? You came over to try and cheer me up,
Moses: What gave it away?!
Simon Peter: You were just too nice and too interested! I liked being able to dispose of empathy whenever I boarded.
simon*: Can I say thanks on behalf of the male population for that remark?
Simon Peter: Soz, Simon. Science is on my side, though. Brain structure and all that.
Ancient Mariner: So... gender check everyone. Who, left on board, do you think is a male playing female and vice versa?
Simon Peter: Actually I dunno. I think the girls are all girls. Paul is a boy, cos he likes Monty Python. He quotes incessantly.
Wood: Oh, and you HAVE to be a boy to like Python, right Rosie?
Simon Peter: Yeah, but I'm a physicist. That's different, it goes with the job. With Paul, it was the quoting thing. Girls like things without quoting constantly.
Sarkycow: Yes, the quoting of it is a boy thing. It proves their innate... manhood?
Wood: So, what? because you're into physics, you're an honorary guy?
Simon Peter: I have an honorary p***s.
Sarkycow: JtB is a girl.
Simon Peter: I can't tell with J the B.
yoyo*: Was Joseph a girl?
Simon Peter: I was thinking boy.
Ancient Mariner: And what about Samson?
Simon Peter: Samson either gay or a girl. I had a dream that they were all girls. Maybe that was SP coming through...
yoyo*: Were you surprised to go, SP?
Simon Peter: I was, actually. I thought I was more interesting than Paul... and I think the people tut-tutting won out.
Simon Peter: Paul was a bit of a minger, though, wasn't he?
Wood: "Porno tache" was the phrase you used about him right at the start.
Simon Peter: About Job. They thought it was about Paul. Job was definitely scarier, though.
Job: Me, scary?
Wood: The ears it was the ears.
Simon Peter: Job, it was the tache!
twohouseholds: One question, Rosie. Do you really like Wild Rover?
Simon Peter: I went through a folk spell. I fiddle.
twohouseholds: Scots or Irish fiddling? Or both?
Simon Peter: Well, went up through the orchestras, then got sick of it, and made friends with a pop-folk duo who wore silly hats.
Simon Peter: The end.
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