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   Ark apostles for the plank
The nominations are announced

Day 29

New Testament leaders Simon Peter and Paul are both up for the plank tonight, as the votes of their arkmates propelled them to the possibility of getting wet and salty.

Both Esther and Jezebel nominated Simon Peter and Paul together. Esther nominated Paul because "He's too hot for me! JUST KIDDING!...he can't seem to die to himself and take up his cross and not talk about breasts."

Meanwhile, Jezebel simply finds Paul "an imitator of... John, and it's annoying. Plus, he's creepy."

Simon, meanwhile, got censure from Esther for being unable to be "just friends", while Jezebel, unable to think of an adequate reason, had a more utilitarian reason in mind: "Since I can't get rid of everyone at once, I'll have to do it one by one."

Samson's vote for Paul came because "He's making ME look like a high- minded, heaven-minded sort." The Old Testament hunk explained: "I spend most of my time with my eye on the Ladies. When I'm not contemplating You. So I am the last to condemn a lively interest in Sex. And body parts. And so on. But he's taken it off the deep end."

John, on the other hand, voted for Paul "in the reckless hope that we will all nominate the two who come after us alphabetically." John wasn't the only one who took an entirely arbitrary approach to the nominations. Paul had also decided to take a more random method, resolving to "draw lots", picking his choices out of a hat. God wasn't particularly pleased with either of them.

Who's going to stay on the sunbeds? Who will swim with the squid? It's up to you. Voting began half an hour after the show ended.

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*Samson not drawn to scale