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  Jezebel | Questionnaire
We bowed and scraped to Queen Jezebel, bringing before her the Ark questionnaire and asking her to graciously tell us about her favourite books, her favourite music, her favourite little red dress... Here's what she revealed.
Full name:
Jezebel, daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, wife of Ahab the king of Israel, Queen of the World.

Like to be known as:
Your Majesty (unless you've got gossip or chocolate, in which case you can call me Jez).

Sorry, that's privileged information.

What are three essential aspects of your perfect day?
A massage, facial, or mudbath (all performed by my professionally trained male servants whose uniforms I've had replaced with the cutest little leopard-skin loincloths!); a few hours watching a local prophet squirm; an afternoon spent redecorating the latest acquisition to the kingdom; and, of course, an evening gala at the palace.

What are your favourite topics of conversation?
Myself, my conquests, and what happened at the party last night.

What books would you bring into the Ark?
"How to Make Friends and Influence People", "The Feminine Mystique" and the autobiography I'm working on (pre-order your copy today! And yes, I'll be available for signings when I launch my book tour after my stint on the Ark).

How about music?
Something to dance to. I plan to liven things up! (Maybe I can sneak a few of my personal musicians and entertainers on board, along with my bartender.)

What extra items are you trying to smuggle into your Ark suitcase?
Things a girl can't live without – a private jacuzzi (it's a big suitcase!), a slinky little red dress, and a whole lot of chocolate. And I might try to bring on my pet lions, too, to take Nebby down a peg. We're allowed to bring pets, right?

What are your best qualities?
I'm witty, stunning (so my subjects tell me), and I can mix a martini while sentencing one of those annoying religious anklebiters to death without batting an eye.

And your worst habits?
In my experience, it's those prophets who have the worst habits. Has anyone ever noticed their disturbing lack of personal hygiene?

List your favourite books in the Bible.
1st and 2nd Kings, of course – they're all about me!

Share with us your top tips for living.
Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen.

And finally – which do you prefer: cats or dogs?
After a most annoying run-in with a pack of the little beasts (and thank Asherah for plastic surgery!), dogs have been banned from my kingdom. I've always preferred cats anyway – beautiful, cuddly, and vicious. Reminds me of me!

The Ark © 2003
*Samson not drawn to scale