Eve | Diary
During the 40 days and 40 nights of the Ark's voyage, our 12 crew members will be recording their thoughts and feelings about their Arkmates, the tasks and crises they'll be facing, and the dreadful prospect of walking the plank before the Ark reaches Mt Ararat. For Eve's Diary, read on... and click the "comments" links to add your own comments to any of her diary entries.
|Hmmm, now what?||May 6, 18:55|
|Well, this massage stuff is nice! Sammie's pretty nice too! And there are all these other lovely men on board!
Mind you, we won't get up to much. I may be wearing only fig leaves, but believe you me, these fig leaves won't come off without a fight.
Still, within the realms of the affectionately cuddly, I guess it will be enjoyable to spend what could be my last few hours exploring the massage skills of my fellow arkmates.
I suspect that Paul has hidden depths, y'know. Maybe I can get him to fess up what is really the thorn in his side. Maybe I can help him pull it out...
And Sammie and I have a lot in common. Apart from large expanses of uncovered skin. Sammie also has a propensity to be unable to resist temptation. We should and do get on like a house on fire. He's fun!
Simon, well he's quite sweet. if you don't mind the smell of fish that emanates from his overalls. And John, well I can see that he has superbly dextrous fingers. If only I could persuade him to put those piano playing digits to better use...
After all, we aren't doing any *harm*. I'm not *really* doing any harm to Adam. He isn't *here* after all. And it's all very innocent...these are such a *religious* bunch of guys. I'm just persuading them to let their hair down. In an enjoyable way! What's to worry about?
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|Oooh revival||May 5, 12:03|
|Well, we had a very groovy time in the chapel (where did *that* come from?) last night.
Amazing how easy it is to be charismatic in this bunch of people...
Samson has been very supportive - he keeps offering to *help* me - but he isn't saying how...
It's such a shame that he and Martha don't seem to have gelled...and he seemed to need so much comforting last night...
He is *such* a nice man...he makes me feel so protected and safe. A bit like Adam...but different. Adam hasn't got any tattoos for a start. And Sammie is just so big and strong.
It gets so lonely being here with a bunch of strangers and just freezing up all the time. And Sammie is *so* reassuring...
I wonder what he *should* do to cheer me up. A foot massage would be nice. And Adam couldn't get jealous over an itsy bitsy foot massage.
The thought of those strong sensual hands carressing my weary feet and stroking my toes...mmm...nice
Who could be jealous about *that*? Seems like *such* a good idea...
Seems so loving...what could possibly be wrong with *that*?
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|So is this really it?||May 4, 17:25|
|Well, I appear to have been nominated to walk the plank, along with poor old Si.
I didn't realise what had happened really, I had another of my absence seizures while I was being nominated. Maybe if I get off the Ark, they'll send me to see a good neurologist. Alternatively, maybe God (hint, hint) will heal me of this embarrassing disorder, which would make life on the Ark much more exciting.
I have been looking round the Ark at all these lovely men with fresh eyes. I had so much attention from the boys when I first came on board, and I just took it for granted. Mind you, now I'm facing the prospect of an early bath, I'm suddenly thinking of all the opportunities I missed. After all, Adam isn't actually *here* and I can always think up a convincing story to tell him when I leave. After all, I'm not exactly known for resisting temptation...
So should I use the time I have left to make some lucky man very happy? And if so, which one? And how should I decide? Very complicated isn't it...
And what happens if I freeze and get stuck in some compromising position...gosh, I'd better think this one through carefully...
And then again, there is so much of my story that I haven't told. This is my own special chance to speak out, to find a voice for myself, not some impersonal narrator in Genesis, with the quality of my own experience dissipated by time, history and distance. I haven't told people what it was like learning how to talk, what it was like becoming pregnant when no one had ever known what it was to be pregnant before, facing pain alone, realising that we would be the first people to die - and then seeing death come not to us but to our son...
I haven't told people what it was like being the first people to find out about sex (that was fun!)
Maybe now I never will...sad isn't it?
|Feeling fragmented||May 3, 8:44|
|I have not been feeling very well over the last few days, which is why I haven't been writing much. I feel all seasick and churned up inside. I have found myself lying on my bed in the blue bedroom half the time.
(And that's another thing, I really don't understand why I ended up in the blue bedroom, when I specifically chose the bed near the red chair in the pink bedroom. I do feel that Adam would be a bit worried by these sleeping arrangements, but I guess I'll have to explain this to him when I get home. It might end up being yet another instance of me being blamed for something that isn't my fault. Mind you, I'm used to that.)
I am getting to know my fellow passengers a bit more. Jezzie might look a bit formidable, but her heart seems to be in the right place. I wish I had a bit more of a tummy button, if I had I bet she could advise me on how to get it pierced.
It is a bit odd having all these very cute men walking about. Samson in particular is a bit of a hunk. Though these days *short* hair is a bit more fashionable with the muscly look I understand. Good luck Martha, is all I say. Mind you, I thought that old Sammie would have gone for Jezzie myself. I tthought he liked a bit of glamour. Maybe he's getting more sensible about finding a nice girl who knows how to cook...
John is clearly a bit of a groover. Good old MC John. Where he learnt to dance like that in the desert beats me. Clearly he had a cave with a jukebox.
Paul seems a little bit more human than I expected. Though he does go on a bit. Mind you, that's only to be expected. Spends all his time writing letters. Can you imagine, how would he have coped if they'd had e-mail back in the year dot? I guess he'd have had his own set of websites...corinthians.com, colossians.com, updates on how to behave and how to avoid being confused with the latest groovy sect.
It is fun though even if I do find myself lurching round the Ark in a state of semi paralysis rather frequently...
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|and God sang happy birthday to me!||Apr 29, 8:21|
|It was a great birthday!
The swimming pool filled up. and I get to swim on it. And we can lie down on the sun lounger after. This is getting to be a very cosy place to hang out.
Jezebel also arrived. She looks very cool. She looks like the kind of girl who would bunk off school to paint her toenails with stolen nail varnish before a rendezvous with the Hunkiest Local Guy. Of course, translated to queenly Biblical equivalents. Queen or not, she does appear to get her clothes from New Look.
I like her already. It's good to have some more scantily clad female flesh around the place. It will take some attention away from *me*. I am thinking of john the Baptist and his tickle tickle here. I'd like to see him lay a finger on *her* he wouldn't have any left. I am at heart a very faithful girl, i don't need all the hassle, i hope Jezzie will have some fun though. And at least she won't be a goody goody to talk to.
Mind you, she ahs a bit of a reputation, so we'll have to see how we go here. Hope she's reasonably nice to me...I plan to start out by trying to make friends...
|Loving your neighbour||Apr 25, 9:00|
|Well, I guess we were bound to get close to each other all cooped up on the ark. Of course I love Adam - and I am a very faithful kind of person - but I am getting so fond of my shipmates. I just loved John's number forbidden frutti. Such a musical kinda guy!
And I feel so sorry for Job. And I think Gabriel is oh so heavenly! And even Paul is sort of cute in a bad sixties/seventies hairstyle sort of way.
As one of my brothers here was saying to me yesterday, you can't be blamed for loving people - in fact you *have* to love people. You have to love in order to be human. And to stop yourself loving is cutting yourself off from God. But being careful about how you behave - and doing your best not to hurt other people - is part of the package of love as well. It is all one glorious piece...gosh, it is going to be terribly sad seeing people go...
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|Oh for the wings fot the wings of a dove||Apr 24, 4:05|
|It was so beautiful!
This really beautiful white dove coming down with a message for us!
What a spiritual experience!
I have been unable to sleep thinking about how lovely it was. I guess I am the sort of person who has fairly intense emotional responses to these sorts of episodes. And I wasn't able to eat very much this evening.
It's great being back in direct communication with God as well. We got so used to having Him hanging round (Him, Her, its the same old immutable deity really). And then, that terrible sense of emptiness when we had walked away from Him...and the pangs of loss when we left Eden.
Being exiled from Paradise was nothing compared to being banished from the presence of our Creator, who is still everpresent with us, but whose closeness is only intermittently felt.
Like being in love but banished from the sight of your lover, but a thousand times worse.
And any glimpse or sign of what lies beyond is so tantalising, makes my soul ache so.
Mind you I thought that doves came into the story a bit later.
And if doves are to be used as a sort of pigeon post then I hope I am not going to go into palpitations *every* time I see one! That might be a bit too overwhelming!
But for now...hmmm...yes...it was beautiful...
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|that's the tiger sorted||Apr 23, 18:08|
|Well, as I was saying...
I am an old soul (though I look pretty good on it) and I have seen a lot in my time. I have seen a woman who knew that she was trapped in a dying body, who knew that that body was crippled, who knew that she would be in physical pain till the end of her time, raise her hand to God when she was further crippled and say "God is good". Who can say for sure that that is what they would do in that situation?
Just because we say we believe in God, She does not take away all our pain or illness. We were told to ask and that we would receive, but what we receive is not always what we ask for. Sometimes God sends us a wonderful gift that astounds us, an opportunity or a sense of vocation that is overwhelming.
"Oh, no no God, you really *shouldn't* have..."
And sometimes you see a loved one die or a disaster happen and your soul cries out to God in grief and anguish.
God is not offering candy to us specially because we believe in him. Sometimes faith offers up moments of unbelievable ecstacy - and sometimes it requires you to make choices, hard choices that break your heart. Faith is not an escape from reality. Faith offers you a way in to the ultimate reality.
Paul has been banging on to me about the Bible - he is a bit of a one trick pony but he is sort of cute if you look at him from the right angle - and I have been catching up on all the new gossip.
These guys Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, they had no guarantee that God would step in and make everything alright (see below). Maybe She would and maybe She wouldn't. But they persisted in the right course *anyway*, with all the potential for death and pain that entailed. And yes, God can soothe our doubt and fear, but She doesn't magically vanish it all away.
So, things may be difficult and confused and painful and troubled now, with sleepless nights and anxieties and a hurting head - and that may be the reality. Can God help? Yes. Will God help? Yes - probably, though so much depends on us as well. Will God blot it all out, wipe out all the temporal consequences of your mistakes, heal every one of your wounds, make you a completely different person? God can change for the better beyond all recognition - but She works with us in the painful places there are in our lives, She does not magic us into a 2 dimensional fantasy land.
We have to do the best we can with what we've got. like Shadrach & co, and hope for the best. Leave the rest to God. And face the consequences if we have to. No, that isn't easy. But I do believe that in the time to come, our tears of pain will be turned to tears of joy by a God who is capable of being angry at times, but who does not know how to stop loving us.
And now, I'm off to the kitchen. Where I will have to face the consequences of John being left to dish up tea. He'll be in for a good hard slap round the chops if he tries anything on again. Honeyed locusts, anyone?
16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
|To be smug or not to be smug||Apr 23, 15:45|
|Well, you certainly have the unexpected happen on this ship. I hadn't expected John the Baptist to be chasing me around the sofa trrying to tickle me! (I am *very* ticklish and if I wasn't so stiff I would have been rolling on the floor in agony) Mind you I don't think he meant any harm, so it was probably just an excess of high spirits. And he *did* apologise very nicely.
I was thinking about the things I have been writing here, about the painful times I've been through. It might sound smug, I supppose, to say that God has been there for me. Sometimes he was there to be raged at and struggled with. Sometimes he was there and the world seemed full of his absence to me. And the air seemed to echo with silence...
(excuse me, a tiger has just appeared in the room...I'm just going to deal with it...to be continued later...)
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|oh for some sleep||Apr 22, 17:33|
|You know, it is really difficult getting enough sleep in a new place. Especially when that place contains every known creature under the freakin sun. And Martha snoring. Mind you, I am so used to Adam snoring that it is quite reassuring. Despite being in a different pitch.
It is strange having all these folk about. I was not just an only child, I didn't have any human parents, not even of any kind. That's not carelessness so much as reckless abandonment. So I suppose God is my only parent - that business about a rib is I think a sort of silly misunderstanding of Adam's.
So, I would say, I am not at my best in large groups. even though this one is I suppose, sort of my family. I like being with the other girls though, they're an interesting bunch. Esther is far less stuck up than I thought she would be. Martha is a very cosy homebody and Mary is actually very reflective...
I only got about an hours sleep though and it shows. Those elephants don't half make a lot of noise. I need my beauty sleep. And the rocking motion of the boat is a bit disturbing. Maybe we'll get aclimatised to it in time. I did manage to get a bit of a nap in the sun on the sun deck. I wish someone would get me a gin and tonic. The sound of it is...sort of sharp and flavoursome and invigorating. I'm just that bit curious...
In fact I think I might go back up there and catch a nap in the last of the afternoon rays. And if I ferret about enough, I might find the bar...
|Memories and mysteries||Apr 22, 3:03|
|Well, I have been chatting with God (apparently the chicken came first, I think you all should know that). This voyage is such a fascinating adventure!
I have been chatting with Mary too. How sad life is, such a mix of mistakes and missed opportunities. People that could have been better loved, misapprehensions, confusions that are sorted out too late. people that should have been soulmates taking one step aside too many and losing each other for ever. My sons, my beauitful sons, Cain and Abel, one killed in his youthful strength and the other cursed for the deed. And of course Mary watched her lord die, and when she went to mourn him, she could not even find the body...like so many of the loved ones of victims of political death and torture.
I suppose I could ask God for the explanations to these indiviual tragedies. On the basis of my conversations with God tonight, I don't think I'll get very far. Maybe the explanations are too complicated for my poor little brain to work out. (They didn't have higher education in Eden, you know).
All I can say is that I know God holds us all in the palms of his or her hands, and will hold us and all our suffering, the late, sleepless nights, spent trying to decide to do the right thing, the mistaken words, spoken in haste, that can wound the soul, the perverse taking of the wrong path, the needless injury to the innocent. God is holding us and loving us through all this.
I made a mistake, the first mistake, and God has forgiven that and died for me and found me a path to a new life. I know that, but I also live with the pains of our life in exile and the memory of our own family tragedies. But I also believe that God is working a deep and lving healing on his world. I can only believe that all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. And I will believe that through my own real and remembered tears.
Tried some of Mary's prototype vegetarian chilli. That had different tears flowing...I wonder what on earth we are going to get for dinner tomorrow...
|We\'re on our way!||Apr 21, 13:42|
|So we've embarked and are on our way! How exciting! It's remarkably peaceful here, more so than I would have hoped. We are going to have to sort out who does the cooking though. And I think that we ought to let John the Baptist off cooking duties. He is scratching all the time, poor love, I think he picked some fleas up off the animals. Also I don't fancy locusts much.
I'll see if they'll let me do some nice salad and maybe a fruit desert tonight. If the boys really want meat, there seems to be a stray sheep wandering about that we could roast. It would be more hygenic to get rid of it.
We don't seem to have any alcohol on board - at least not that I have discovered yet. I would like to try one of those gin and tonic things, I think they sound rather good.
Otherwise, people are very sociable and an interesting mix. I think we might have to let Esther off the cooking too, I suspect she isn't used to it and wouldn't enjoy it. I wonder if we can persuade Nebuchadnezzar and Samson to do barbeques, men usually like doing things like that.
I wonder if we could have some conversations with God, now that we're all on board? Get him to explain a few things, like suffering, and how you always manage to lose an odd fig leaf doing a wash.
Maybe he could explain where he goes when you feel he isn't there, and what you really need to be happy. Oh, and why some people seem able to cope with terrible things happening to them and others can't cope with life at all, in the midst of love and plenty.
I know I am responsible for the things I've done, and erm, I've done some stupid things. But I'd still like to know what God has to say about some of these questions...
|Such sweet sorrow||Apr 20, 10:05|
|Well, I've packed the suitcase, and I'm sitting on the bed having a little weep. I hadn't thought I would feel so emotional. I've never done anything like this before...
Adam has made me a nice cup of tea and is having a shower. I can hear him, singing very softly, Our Song. You know, "If you were the only girl in the world, and I were the only boy..." I am listening to him sing flat on "boy", as he usually does. It drives me crazy...with irritation. But I am *so* going to miss it. You know I think I am even going to miss him snoring...
It's wonderful having the chance to do something new and different. But it's a bit scary too. I don't know how I'll cope when I get on board. I don't know how long I'll last on the Ark either. I'll be away from my home and from the person I love most.
But I know that in the middle of all the noise and chaos and din necessarily entailed by a Ship full of animals and assorted Biblical sociopaths, in the middle of the arguments and struggles that you will inevitably get when a group of people have to live together as a community (of sorts), in all that, I know that God will be there, in our arguments and our jokes and our disappointments. He might be fed up with us, he might be angry, he might be silent and he might be laughing, but he will be there. And what ever we say or do he won't stop loving us.
Now I have to go wash up this cup and get us both a farewell breakfast...
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