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   Joseph | Diary
During the 40 days and 40 nights of the Ark's voyage, our 12 crew members will be recording their thoughts and feelings about their Arkmates, the tasks and crises they'll be facing, and the dreadful prospect of walking the plank before the Ark reaches Mt Ararat. For Joe's Diary, read on... and click the "comments" links to add your own comments to any of his diary entries.
Any dream did doApr 26, 11:25
Well, what can I say? This looks like it'll be my last diary entry, as I pack up all my belongings and head bck to Egypt. I never thought it would end this way - with me being sent by God to go and sort out Egypt AGAIN. Honestly, the sheer incompetence of my deputy. I guess it just goes to show that if you want a job done properly, you have to do it yourself. Still, it's back to Rameses, and to work and people that I know and love.

And, to be honest, it wasn't like things on the Ark were really gripping either. Esther's really disappointed me - she's so shallow, and doesn't really talk about much beyond her clothes. And Simon Peter? So uncouth and boorish. The biggest conversation they could come up with was Simon and Paul depserately trying to convince Neb that he wasn't God. Boring. Pointless. Sigh.

I'll definitely miss Samson, with all those rippling pecs - it was almost hypntoic watching him work out. Buns of steel AND a gentleman? I haven't met too many of them around; I almost wish he could come with me back to Egypt.

I guess John was a good guy, once he stopped moaning about the lack of water in the pool. Oh, and Moses wasn't too bad - though have you seen his clothes? Really seen them? A cardie, looses slacks and Jesus sandals? The man is so far beyond 'stuck in the 80s' it's untrue. I cringe just thinking abut it.

But yes, overall they were a rather boring lot - no fashion sense, no depth, all a little too 'nice'. I think that's partly what made me have visions; it gave me an escape from them. Deep and profound pictures from God vs. their inane chatter? No contest. And having now discovered that the pictures were pointing to my job as Pharaoh's #2, I must go and sort Egypt out. Here's hoping the remaining contestants become even a quarter as fascinating as me, other it'll be a long and boring voyage!
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Sink or swim?Apr 23, 22:27
I'm a bit worried today. Gabriel and I had a chat this morning, and it seems that my deputy isn't running things too well in Egypt. He's doing his best, but he doesn't really know how to handle Rameses. He's ok at administration, but not too bright, and a bit tactless at times. Apparently he isn't laughing at Pharaoh's jokes, and he actually told him that he didn't know everything! Just like any other top guy, Rameses needs to be flattered and ego-stroked a bit, and it looks like my deputy is letting the power go to his head. Which will soon be parting company with his shoulders if what Gabriel's hinting at is correct. Phew. Hmmmm. I thought he had some of my economic flair, boundless tact, and silver tongue. I guess I was wrong. And what a time to make a mistake. I shall have to think about what to do.
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Visions againApr 23, 0:10
Well yesterday was interesting. I watched Moses do his aerobics for a while, but his buns aren't exactly steel, and it all got a bit tiring, so I went into the kitchen. Martha was in there cooking. She's a bit worried about whether her house will still be standing when she gets bac, poor lady. I tried to reassure her, but the lads all piled into the kitchen at that moment. Paul and Peter were trying to convert Neb. They don't understand, that where he comes from, he's a god. They need to show him a little more respect. Perhaps I'll mention that to them - once I've got a bit friendlier with Samson. I was never very handy with my fists, and my brothers never taught me how to. They were always too busy beating me up.

Speaking of my brothers, I had some rather strange experiences yesterday and today. I was feeling rather disconnected from both the Ark and my Arkmates, so I went wandering aimlessly round the decks. As I was watching the waves, I saw, as it were, eleven dolphins splashing and playing in the water. Then a twelth dolphin swam up to them, and they all bowed to him, and lifted him high out of the water, squeaking with great aclaim. It was all rather puzzling, and I wandered for some time pondering it, and what it all meant.

Then tonight, as I was chatting with Simon, Paul, Gabriel and Moses in the living room, the room faded away, and I was standing in the study. As I tried to figure out how I got there, my attention was drawn first to the mirror (yes, I looked good. It's always very important to check how you look - appearances can make or break in my job!), and then to the fireplace. There I saw eleven flames dancing in the hearth. When a twelth flame appeared, they all flickered low as it grew bigger and bigger until it towered over them. When the vision faded I saw everyone else had gone to bed, which is where I'm headed for now.

Still, I wonder what it all meant...
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First impressionsApr 21, 21:51
Having not really met many of my fellow arkmates, I can't say a lot about most of them.

Moses was the first to great me, and was much friendlier than I imagined. He even politely checked whether he'd written my story down! He doesn't seem quite as stubborn and arrogant as I first thought. Definitely one I want to chat more with.

Then there was Esther - looking ravishing in pink. Face of an angel, so sweet natured, and very well turned-out. We'll get on famously I think - cosy chats by the fireplace, curled up on the sofas discussing life, swapping skin care routines in the bathroom.

Neb seemed strangely quiet for an absolute ruler. Perhaps he was still adjusting to the lack of servants? I'll see if I can smooth things out there a little tonight. And speaking of smoothing things over, what was going on with Paul and Peter? They were engaged in heated debate when I saw them, and I don't think the Ark is big enough to cope with them bickering all day and night. Honestly, they need to grow up and stop acting like kids. Sure they had knocks, but haven't we all? And you don't see me going round arguing with Potiphar, even after all he did to me.

The final arkmate I saw much of was Samson, who was quiet but courteous to the ladies. Such a gentleman - a distinct change from the way some of the others were treating the ladies. He and I have a lot in common obviously.

Off to explore and chat now, see you later!
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Late ArrivalApr 21, 14:43
And we're off; presumably our missing contestants will be brought aboard by tug boat, or chopper. I only just made it on before Noah slipped the moorings, and we set sail. As I left Rameses palace, my children's choir began weeping and begging me not to leave them - they were heartbroken, thought I was leaving forever. And then my father, with his voice breaking, choked out "There's one less place at our table, and there's one more tear in my eye, son." That was it. I couldn't turn my back and walk away. I had to stay and try and comfort them all. So I did. We hugged, and chatted, and sang, and then Pharaoh announced that he was having installed a projection device so that they could all watch the Ark on the widescreen. My boss is great. That helped dry their tears, and then I had to dash. Better late than never, and neither Gabriel, God, Noah or Joan minded one bit when I explained why I was so late.

Oooh, Eve's calling me, asking if I want to go for a swim. I'll come back later to record my first impressions.

The saga beginsApril 19, 2003, 6:34 pm
I've chosen my clothes, packed my bags and sent the choir on a holiday. All that's left before boarding the Ark tomorrow is my 'Bon Voyage' party tonight, and lunch with the Pharaoh and my family tomorrow. It's funny, but we're a really close family, despite all that has happened, and I'll miss them for the next 40 days. Still, it is only 40 days, and I'll have so much to tell them when I get back. And I can't wait to meet Esther, King Neb and Mary Magdalene - we'll have so much to talk about.

I think I'm all packed for the journey - smart and casual clothes, for both hot and cold weather (I'm hoping it doesn't rain all the time); essential oils, bath salts, shower gel and sumptuous fluffy towels; some light reading; a mirror; and plenty of music, a discman, my minidisc player and batteries. I've just got a few last minute preparations, checking my deputy knows exctly what he's doing, reassuring Rameses that his kingdom won't fall apart, and signing contracts with Tim and Andy for a musical based on this Ark.
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