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  Samson | Questionnaire
Renowned for his "smite first, ask questions later" style, Samson reveals a gentler, more mellow side in this revealing questionnaire. Take a couple of minutes to find out about the Samson you never knew.
Full name:
Samson bar-Manoah.

Like to be known as:
Your Honor.


What are three essential aspects of your perfect day?
Bubble bath; a thorough, substantial session of passing judgment, commending excellence and settling disputes among my brethren (preferably with a long lunch break); 100 strokes. (With a hairbrush. Through my hair!)

What are your favorite topics of conversation?
A free and faithful Israel; tossing around ideas for finding a faithful wife in said Israel; discussing likelihood that said wife might also be a gifted hairdresser.

What books would you bring into the Ark?
The Bible, especially the Books of Law. (I hear there's a sequel now, imagine that! They're calling the original "Old Testament" and the sequel "New Testament".) And "Foxe's Book of Martyrs" – I have no idea what it's about, but I like foxes, and I've single-handedly made many a martyr. Bound to be something there I can relate to. Any steamy romance novel to a) find out what women want, and b) study the cover. (I may need to launch a new career after this cruise is over; posing for book covers, bare-chested, tresses a-billow, is right up my alley.)

How about music?
The theme from "Exodus"; an eclectic mix of everything, from Wagner to the Kentucky Headhunters (I've a bit of cultural catching-up to do); "If I Could Talk to the Animals", from Doctor Doolittle.

What extra items are you trying to smuggle into your Ark suitcase?
Beef and mutton jerky, lots of it. I don't recall that man was allowed to eat meat in the Ark, and I won't do without. I mean, come on, have you ever tried to maintain muscle and hair without complex amino acids? Also, a little something special for each of the ladies. And my gavel. Just in case someone needs a decision from me.

What are your best qualities?
A passion for the advancement of God's agenda, especially when my own just happens to align with His; a sweet, loving, gentle, kind, unassuming, humble nature; and my intense Nazarite devotion.

And your worst habits?
I forget that anyone else could possibly have other interests besides mine. This makes me alternately annoying and vulnerable. Sometimes I forget to properly dispose of the cleanings-out of my hairbrush. Noah may think he's had an outbreak of beautiful, silky hair-mice on the Ark. That's it, I have no more bad habits.

List your favorite books in the Bible.
Books of Law, all of them. The ones about me! Judges and all the others with details about Nazarites. And Song of Solomon, of course.

Share with us your top tips for living.
Be cautious about handing out the keys to your heart. Always try to involve Mom and Dad in your wedding plans. (Try not to involve your in-laws.) Stay moisturized, stay conditioned, stay buff.

And finally – which do you prefer: cats or dogs?
Foxes! They combine in one creature the best features of both.

The Ark © 2003
*Samson not drawn to scale