Interrupting Samson as he gave one last sensual foot massage to Eve by the Ark pool, God called him to the crow's nest for a divine tete-a-tete.
Samson, aware that he had incurred God's displeasure, perpared for the worst. "Fry me now, Lord. I deserve it. I'm ready."
However, Samson's fate was not to be a swift lightning bolt, but rather a stern telling-off. "I'm hearing some unpleasant things," the Almighty began, ominously. However, to Samson's surprise, his playing of the field was not the only thing God was annoyed about.
"What is up with you and Neb striking a deal to go work for him?" the irascible deity demanded. "When did your contract with me expire? I didn't get the memo."
Samson expressed confusion: "I didn't know You still had a use for me. I've been so awful. Didn't you hear us praying?"
The Lord was not to be trifled with: "Yet there's no remorse for what's ticking me off at the present," God obsevred, adding "he claims to be a god, so it would appear your loyalties are moving elsewhere."
"I hear he'll go nuts one day," Samson explained. I thought he might need someone strong to handle his business. I haven't agreed yet."
God wasn't impressed: "You haven't told him to shove it, either."
God then moved on to the other problem: "I saw you trying to get your groove on," the Almighty said. "There seem to be a few, actually. Martha. Now Eve? Who's next?"
Samson became defensive: "Hey! I hold only the purest marital sort of desire for Martha! And Evie... well, she needed someone who would not take advantage."
God, as always, had the last say. "She's like your great-great-great- great... grandmother," pointed out the Lord. "Eeewwwwww."