Paul, aware that he may be forced to leave the Ark at any time, has now brought his Third Epistle to the Corinthians to a close.
In his ninth chapter he writes in typically no-nonsense fashion: "If you Corinthians don't know by now that you should not be screwing each other like bunnies, then there's not much that any letter of mine can do to help you.
"And if you want to be fat, get heart disease and die of a massive stroke," he adds, "then fine: eat and drink whatever you want. Make your bodies huge, greasy temples of the Lord. You won't enjoy them long, but maybe you'll have some fun along the way.
"And you know, if you are misusing the Internet, it's going to catch up with you. Do you think what you type is actually PRIVATE? Do you think those so-called 15-year-old hotties you're chatting with on AOL are really 15 and really hot? They might be cops, you know. You'd better watch it.
"I am coming to you very soon. I hope I will find you all well, tolerably continent, and not too overweight, drunk, or abusive."
Closing with a list of greetings, Paul takes time to remember those arkmates who have hitherto been planked.
Aware of the very real possibility of the plank himself, Paul entrusted his epistle to Martha. When asked why he'd chosen her to look out for it, he explained: "I just want to make sure it gets to Corinth... John would lose it. Samson would write love letters on the back of it. Jezebel would laugh and pitch it over the side. Esther, too."
