Paul's trip to the Crow's Nest yesterday proved more than a little poignant. "Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night..." enthused our favourite writer of letters (God: "Please don't quote cheesy hymns. I'll have to throw you over the side").
Paul confided in the Lord that he feels bad that he isn't getting on so well with Simon... but then went straight to the heart of the matter: "You don't really like him best, do You?"
God, moving in mysterious ways, skipped that one and instead went back to the questions, asking Paul why he thinks he has such a volatile relationship with Simon. Paul: "Because I'm a better evangelist than he is, but he knew you in the flesh. Jealousy is a besetting sin on both sides."
Paul's solution to this wasn't incredibly helpful: "He could walk the plank. Or I could."
Paul also confided jealousy over Simon's volatile relationship with Esther. "Esther makes me feel... odd. I feel stirrings," the lovesick theologian revealed. "I struggle, Lord. I've got to tell you, I struggle. But I count everything as crap for the sake of knowing you."
God's solution may shock many: "Why don't you write about it in your next letter... that way future freaks won't be tempted to use your previous letters to bash people upside the head."
Paul said that God was right, and he gets misquoted all the time. "Believe me, I understand," continued the Almighty. "How much of all of this violence and killing do you think I've sanctioned? Times like these, I wish I were corporeal so that I could shake my head at them."