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Royal catfight crowns variety performance
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Day 25
The arkmates today waxed theatrical, as God challenged them to put on a variety show with only 30 minutes' notice.
The Divine Dozen Minus Four rose to the occasion admirably, supplying without complaint (well, all right, maybe with quite a few complaints, actually) a stunning show of comedy, music and dancing.
With Paul volunteering to compere the show ("I'm happy to MC," he said, "given that I have no variety"), the arkmates racked their brains for ideas.
The show began with Samson getting everybody to sing a song with actions. The arkmates, although somewhat confused as to why they should be singing a song that most of us haven't heard since we were six, gamely joined in.
The tone wasn't raised much by Mary Magdalene's amazing invisible dancing ferret, Houdini. Despite the general opinion that Houdini would have been more fun if shoved down Simon Peter's trousers, Maggie stuck with the program and made Houdini dance his little furry invisible heart out.
Apparently.
The next act was a surprise to everybody – including its performers – as Paul announced a very special episode of the Jerry Springer show. John gamely stepped in to be Jerry, allowing Jezebel and Esther to be the guests in: "I'm a Queen... and That Other Queen Knew My Husband (In The Carnal Sense)".
In true Springer fashion, things soon got out of hand with the introduction of Samson and a frankly enthralling catfight between Jez and Esther. It was left to Gabe to sum up as Paul brought the whole fracas to a close: "Look after yourselves... and each other."
After all this, things were brought back to a vague semblance of order with the grand finale, where, as the radio pumped out funky grooves, John led the entire cast in dancing to "Blame it on the Boogie", which has pretty much become his theme tune over the last 25 days.
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