The first rule of Smite Club is, you do not talk about Smite Club
Day 9
The first round of nominations today proved traumatic for all concerned. Maggie tried to nominate herself. Moses begged that God spare the others in his mercy (God: "nope").
In fact, nearly everyone had an excuse to avoid making that fatal choice. In the end, after repeated threats of smiting from the Almighty, they stopped beating about the (burning) bush and made their choices.
Job and Simon Peter came out as the nominees for the plank. Job was described by Neb as "boring, lethargic and moribund". John nominated him because "he's suffered enough", while Maggie was secretly after his bartending job.
The arkmates who nominated Simon did so pretty unanimously for his sexist behaviour and his inappropriate "poo in a lavatory bowl" illustration in Sunday's sermon.
Meanwhile, although they'd been asked by God not to leave the bedrooms and landings during the nominations, Eve, Jezebel and Neb cleared off for a quick dip in the pool. God May Not Be Pleased. Watch this space.
All of the arkmates found the process traumatic. Paul, who was first up, told the others: "you won't like that little trip." And after the nominations were done with, John the Baptist, disturbed by the symbolic appearance of a meat cleaver in the kitchen went back up to the crow's nest and railed at God.
"Whose axe is it, God? WHOSE AXE IS IT, ANYWAY? It's not my axe, God. It's your axe."
Whatever the result, things on the Ark aren't going to be the same again.
